listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
