My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
