Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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