just come out here and I will go home with you...
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize
