Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
