Nicole vs. Life
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
