I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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