I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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