dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
