But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
