I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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