His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
