I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
