Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
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