I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
