You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
