pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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