We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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