just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
