either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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