I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
