i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
