I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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