How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
