Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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