Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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