my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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