I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
