I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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