Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
