We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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