i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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