i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
