I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
