Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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