I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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