He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You dont lie about slip and slides
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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