Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
