i think my mom watched the whole time
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
