Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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