onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
