Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
