I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
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