Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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