I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Success! We fucked roommates!
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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