Define "chronic" masturbator.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
