oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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