Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
