Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
