so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
