I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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